I woke up at ease, which doesn't happen a lot.
I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat by the fire, which doesn't happen a lot.
My brothers and dad were also awake at this earlier hour.
We divided and cleaned the house for my mom.
I chose the dishes, kinda a phenomenon. I put headphones on and blasted music.
I balanced both myself and my brother's wishes.
I made myself breakfast, which doesn't happen a lot.
I took my medication and retreated to my room to write.
I noticed a sensation of safeness. Of soundness. Of maybe even delight.
After the others ate breakfast, we played the game Wavelength. My dad and I as a team crushed it. My mind quiet, occupied by both a game on my phone and the one on the table. I could handle the friendly banter. What was happening?
Next we played beer pong, well the family equivalent. Two games in a row for Arielle? That's crazy!
At the appointed pre-lunch nap-time, I decided to vacuum my car, another kinda phenomenon. I put on headphones and blasted music. I stuck with and followed through with the task.
I made it through the big meal - my mind quiet, again handling the friendly banter.
I played my brother (I lost) and my sister (I won) in chess.
At the appointed post-lunch nap-time, I decided to clean my room.
I participated in the family talent show by playing "Let it Be" by the Beatles on the ukulele.
I ate my fourth slice of pie.
And then, right on time for an early start to Black Friday at work, I went to bed at 7:30pm.
I woke up at 4:30am, pushing to sit up in bed and journal.
I went through my morning routine, and made it to work by 5:30am. My boss asked me to mop the bathrooms before we opened at 6am. I helped with finishing putting out totes from the truck while balancing the register. I stood at the doors; they opened to the black pre-sunrise morning, a so cold your skin hurts breeze, and white snowflakes floating to the ground. Breathing in, I felt alive. I felt content. I returned to totes and customers.
I got off work at 9:30am, just as the Black Friday crowd started to make their way to us. Sorry, co-workers, I thought, although I was happy to be off.
I went shopping with my brother at Best Buy. He got a 360 camera to film his snowboarding season, and I got Remarkable Tablet Pen Tip Refills.
Returning home to a more awake household, I played a game of Ticket to Ride with my family. I quit while I was ahead, noticing the the caffeine was wearing off.
I took a nap - hitting deep sleep. My mind and body were able to relax and reset.
I treated my sister to a late lunch.
And then, my friend picked me up and we went to her family's Thanksgiving meal. It was nice. There were the kids, the cousins, the aunts and an uncle, the sibling and parents, and the grandma. It was both a large and small, homely gathering. The food was nice. The company was nice. I brought my best self and was able to remain present.
Upon returning to my house, we arrived to the Annual Louth Gingerbread House Competition just beginning. We said hi to the dogs before she departed.
Another nice day. Two in a row. My depression and anxiety took a holiday.
This year, I am thankful for:
Safety and security. A warm home with running water. My dogs. My physical and mental health. My church, my coworkers, and my Gather friends. A onewheel! An opportunity to lead in New Orleans at the ELCA Gathering. The trip there via train, skateboard, and bus. Medications, TMS, my healthcare providers. Insurance. My former therapist saying,"love who you want to love and be who you want to be right now." Coming out as queer. A car! The return of confidence and happiness. My stick-to-it-iveness with writing! A new diagnosis which explains all my health symptoms which sent me to so many doctors in the last year. A new therapist who is cool. And a Thanksgiving which I was able to enjoy - the first one without suicidal thoughts since 2017. Thank God!
Sending you waves of loving-kindness.
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